From Becky

Dear Dad,

I walked to the park today. Ben rode his bike. And I missed you so much. You should have seen him Dad. He likes to ride fast now, you would be so proud. And when he rode on the gravel path his tire spun like crazy because of his training wheels. He thought it was awesome. Just like a racecar. I know you would have laughed to see it.

I ran into my friend Staci, who talked to me about the last time she saw you, on the street in front of Heather's house, working on your truck. She said you seemed so healthy and energetic. She remembers your laugh. It made me miss you more, thinking of you working on your truck just down the road from where I was sitting.

Today was hard for me. I'm not sure why. It just really was. I looked through some pictures of this summer, trying to find one in particular. Not of you actually, but of course, there you were. Holding Hannah, fishing with the boys at the zoo, holding Hannah again, driving the U-haul with Ben, and holding Hannah yet again... I know you would have laughed at all the bows I put in her hair today.

I wanted to call you and tell you about how Sammy was missing his new stuffed turtle. (It's name is Sammy the turtle.) He was very upset this morning and told me "It's nowhere to be seen!" You would have laughed at that part.

My friend Staci doesn't think that nothing will ever be wonderful again. I tried to explain to her that I know I can be happy, really joyful again. I know I can. But nothing will ever be the same kind of wonderful again without you here. Every time I get close to wonderful I know I'll wish you were here for it, so even the wonderful will hurt a little. I know she thinks that I just need time, and that I'll get there, but I won't. It's not that I won't let myself, but I know I won't.

Here's something my friend Darcie sent to me about you. I thought it summed you up completely...

I only had the pleasure of meeting your dad a couple of times, but I do remember how "welcoming' he was (even if it was your house). At the time, you were helping me out in a bind and watching my boys. Your parents were down for the weekend, and there was your dad, downstairs playing with the boys - making mine feel like they were just as deserving of his attention as his own grandsons were. I get the feeling he was like that with everyone he met.

That's why Dad. That's why nothing can be as wonderful now that you're gone. It's because you made EVERYTHING so much more wonderful when you were here. For everyone. For people who barely knew you, and SO much more for people who knew you well. We were so lucky.

And even the things you weren't here for... I could look forward to telling you about them later, I would say to myself, "I have to remember to tell Dad about that." And I'd phone you and tell you and hear you laugh, and no matter how wonderful things were without you... They were even more wonderful when I told you about them.

I miss you.

Today I miss you so much.