I Can't Think of a Title

So, not a great day. Not even a blah day. Just a day that I can't even find a word to express how much I wish that it wasn't like this.

(Please bear with me, I'm going to try to explain things as close to how Mom explained them to me as I can, but... Well, I'm doing my best. Hopefully I remember it all right.)

I think it started out all right. The doctors said that he didn't have a clot in his leg. There was no pain or redness and the other leg started doing it a little too, so it is obviously something else. So that's good.

He has a touch of pneumonia I guess, but he's on antibiotics, so I don't think anyone is too worried about that. I don't think he has a fever or anything. But he was out of breath, and his blood pressure was low, so one of his doctors decided to do an ECG to see how his heart was doing. It was racing and beating irregularly again so they had to shock it back into a regular rhythm. Mom stayed in the room with him, she is one tough cookie, my mom.

Then they moved him to intensive care. They want to put him on a drug that will keep his heart rate steady, and apparently they need to have him in intensive care to be able to monitor him. They also ran a whole bunch of tests to make sure he was all right and to see what was going on. It turns out he had a heart attack. This may have been caused by any number of things, including the blood clot that Mom mentioned in the last post. It could also be caused by his low blood pressure which may have been caused by the dialysis which also may have caused his heart to race and beat irregularly in the first place... You see how everything is all connected and complicated?

Anyways... I talked to him and he told me not to freak out. My words, not his. His words were to not go somewhere where I don't need to go, which is obviously to the not-so-merry old land of "I'm never going to see my dad again". It's not very easy to keep from freaking out when the "H" word starts getting used. I guess I'm getting used to the "C" word by now, because that used to be terrifying all by itself.

Mom says they will have more news tomorrow morning. It better be good-ish. Or at least not bad-ish, because I've said it before, and I'll say it again, I'm really not sure how much more of this I can take. (Or any of us.)

I bought plane tickets today to go see them at the beginning of November. I wish they were for tomorrow. Does anyone have some money they don't need that they'd like to use to fly us all out there? I need to pet Dad's hair. I'm sure it will irritate him, but I really need to just stand by his bed and pet him.

I hope next week is better. This is getting really hard. (As if it wasn't already hard.) Thanks so much for praying. I'm sure it's the only thing keeping my mom as calm as she is.

I'm trying to think of something else to write, because when I'm done with this post I'll have nothing left to do but try to sleep... Maybe some Farm Town...

Love you all. Hug someone you love and maybe even pet their hair a little...