Dear John

Dear John,

Yesterday Becky and I went to pick a memorial stone for your grave. I am glad to have this completed. It was bothering me that to date this had not been done. I am sorry that it took so long but it was very hard for me to do. I think that was because it makes things seem so much more final. As long as this last task was not completed perhaps you could still come home. It is odd how I try to trick my mind, how I try to deny the truth. Even when picking the stone both Becky and I opted to choose one that looked the least like a grave marker, you know the type, the classic RIP stone that is curved on the top. Did you know that it costs extra to have one ordered that does not curve on the top?

I am thinking that if you can read my letter and know what I have been doing that you will be a little miffed with me on how much money I spent. I know this because we talked about this very thing. I am sorry, I had to spend what I did spend to make the stone look less like it was sitting beside a haunted house.

The stone will be etched with majestic pines and has a boat and a guy fishing. It looks just like Ispachaw Lake. What wonderful times we had there. You would get up early in the morning and go out fishing. I would sleep in a little then get up and make breakfast. It was like you could smell the bacon because you would somehow get there just in time. I can picture it all. I can hear the boat motor muffled by the morning mist. I can smell the clean air. I can see you walking up the path, fish dangling on the chain and the huge smile of contentment on your face. How content we were! How truly happy. Life did not get better than that did it? Ispachaw is a magical place. Becky wants us to go there. I told her that I don't think that I can. Just thinking about our times there bring me to my knees.I don't know what being there would do to me.

We kept the inscription simple. It says: Loved A Lot We put that there because you did love everybody so much and because you were also loved a lot. We put it there because to each person, as you lay dying, you told them that over and over. It was how you said goodbye. It said to each one everything that you would have liked to say if you had been able to. It told us how proud you were of us. It told us that you did not mind the sacrifices that you made on our behalf. It told us that you enjoyed being with us every minute that you were and that you did not want to leave. It told us how sorry you were to know the pain we would have to endure. You showed us the very face of love. It was your face. We say back to you: We love you a lot. We love you a lot. We love you a lot. That will never change.